This is the continuation of the previous article:
I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH - MY FATHER - PART 1
I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH - MY FATHER - PART 2
I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH - MY FATHER - PART 3
I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH - MY FATHER - PART 4
I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH - MY FATHER - PART 5
I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH - MY FATHER - PART 6
A belief about myself which I have accepted within my mind has taken me on a quite a long journey during which I have tried to prove that I am actually not that which I have accepted to believe. So... I have accepted a belief, I have suppressed it so that I don't see it yet I was aware of it and I have tried to prove that this is not true.
But even though I have tried to prove it in many different ways I was never able to prove it absolutely and ultimately. I have never proven to my father that I am better then he thinks of me or better then the people that he was showing me as an example. Well... I have never got more money then him but I know that it was not about how much money I earn. It was the same as with my girlfriend. I have given her all that I have but still that was not enough. She was asking me for more and I was ready to work over the limits to fulfill her desires and wishes. And even then I was not able to make her fully happy and prove my point that I am good enough. And the reason in both cases was that I have been fueling all the time - with the energy extracted from my body - a belief within my mind, which was growing ever stronger and it was manifesting itself on the outside ever stronger. The more energy I was giving into it, the bigger and stronger it was growing.
It is like never ending story. Well... not exactly. There is an end to it because there is a limit in the physical. My physical body has its limits and it cannot fuel - with the energy extracted from it - into infinity the belief within my mind. At some point the body gets exhausted, it gets sick and if I got completely obsessed with my desire to prove that I am good enough and if I persisted with working well over the limits, I would eventually kill my body.
Now... on the way to kill myself I would have all sorts of different excuses e.g. by saying that I love my girlfriend and this is what I should do no matter what or in the case of my father I would continue to feel hurt and through suppressed anger and with pride I would try to work hard until I prove my point and earn more money then him. But in the end I would always stay within the same point that I have not proven anything because there was never anything to prove. All that was necessary was to stop fueling my belief and not define myself as it within my mind because the moment I stop the thoughts and the moment I stop defining myself within my mind as not good enough I don't have to prove anything on the outside.
AND THEN I CAN DO WHAT IS BEST FOR ME AND BEST FOR ALL.