This is the continuation of the previous article:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the nasal spray is just another tool used to suppress the problems and the symptoms and thus it will not be effective in creating the change but instead it creates more compounding consequences delayed in time.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that suicide in the army is just another way/method to run away from facing the problems, my creations and what I have allowed instead of facing it, stopping it and changing it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and hope that the nasal spray will take away from me the responsibility of facing the problems related to the depression, feeling guilt of killing others during the war etc. instead of me directing it as myself and correcting it effectively.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the nasal spray covers up and suppresses my feeling of guilt and depression with another one which is defined positive by me - feeling calm and euphoric; but because this feeling if produced artificially by chemical molecules introduced from outside it is only temporal solution to cover the symptoms and sooner or later it will become not effective because of the compounding effect of the accumulating problems which I am not facing and correcting effectively as me.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the shock and depression which I experience during the war is a result of my creation either through my participation in my mind in the pattern of war or through my passive acceptance and allowance that others create the war and involve me in it; thus as long as I don't apply the correction within me, nothing will change and the nasal spray and other medications will only suppress the real cause of my depression and will create a time loop with compounding consequences.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that nasal spray and other medications against depression are creating an addictive syndrome; it is because they are dealing only with the suppressing the symptoms while at the same time all the problems which manifest themselves as those syndromes are accumulating and create more compounding syndromes; thus to deal with it I have to take more and more of the medication to suppress those compounding problems and I become addicted to it and dependent on it because I don't take responsibility for the problem and I don't direct the point as me as myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot face the problems and deal effectively with the shock and depression as a result of my participation in war and thus I consider suicide as the only solution to it.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that after I commit suicide I will not be able to change anything in this reality and this way I will leave the world the way it is with ever compounding problems, suffering, abuse etc.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I am participating in the war as a result of my decision; thus I am responsible for all the consequences of it and there is no excuse which will ever wave away from me this responsibility.
To be continued...