The days are slow but at the same time I am going through the hell of transformation. I faced today more moments of not knowing what to do with myself. Last night I could not sleep. But eventually the tiredness got me during the day and altogether I slept about 6 hours.
It is so interesting to observe myself going through the process of transformation. It is interesting to see how I struggle and I allow myself to find an excuse to fall down. And then it is interesting to see my moments of doubts in which I look desperately for some help from my teachers from the books. Of course the greatest motivator and savior is myself and in the end I find the peace and the stability when I do my exercises in which I remind myself that I am responsible for my life and I direct my focus on myself. Then there comes the peace. It is difficult but at the same time very enjoyable as I know that I do something that has real value.
Apart from this I am facing the point of not really wanting to work. It is not that I do not want to work at all but still I see it at this moment of my life.
Today is awaiting me a conversation with my partner after we decided to take a break for 21 days as we were not effective in solving the problems together. We gave ourselves the space to look at our lives and problems individually and now we will share our realisations from this break.