I am catching up with posting online my articles.
I do not understand yet why this sweetness and the levels of energy in my body are rising but still I sleep a lot. This morning I woke up and I felt the sweetness in my heart. And this is a good sign. Though later I did something to wreck it up. I started to masturbate and watch porn. After some time I noticed that my breathing went shallow and eventually my energy levels went down. Then I went out to have a coffee. After I came back I felt good ( the coffee effect ). I did my meditation and although I did not feel this euphoric sensation during the meditation itself, it came back later. But I started to play the computer game. And again my breathing got shallow. The energy levels went down and the sweetness decreased.
So this is all evident to me how I am responsible for all that is happening to me and how I can experience this wonderful sweetness in my being or lose it. It is all up to me. And can get back into doing some shit in my life like watching porn, playing games etc. or I can maintain my good uplifted state and be in charge of my life.
Now... I was asking myself an important question today ( before I did the shit ) about the sense of me being here. Because I can do all these good things to me and keep myself uplifted but then I am alone in it. And then I have to be really focused because I noticed that being among the people lowers my energies. Like I wrote yesterday. I have to breathe really deep to keep my energies higher or otherwise other people "steal" it from me.
So the question remains:
What is the purpose of me being here ?
But then there is also something telling me that there must be something there. When I continue maintaining high energy levels in my body and I maintain myself uplifted then there must be a point when reach a critical mass and something different would manifest itself in my life. On the outside I do not see any signs that anything will change in my life. But then the common sense and reason is telling me that thee must be something different.
I know that although I do not see any signs on the outside I need to follow my inner voice. I need to follow the voice of the common sense and reason and of course the voice of my heart ( the sweetness ).