Giving better than receiving

I have been really stuck in my process already for some time which was manifesting itself as "not knowing what to write". But finally there is something moving in regards to my process.

Thus during the conversation with a friend of mine it came up that I have made a judgment on the point of receiving something and I have defined it within my mind as less than giving.

And how did this affect and shape my life ?

Well... it was the point that I was giving a lot to people but I was closing myself to receive something from others. And under no circumstances I was allowing myself to ask somebody to give me something as this would define me as less.

Where did it start ?

There was a specific moment in my life as a child when I was crying ( I do not remember the reason ) and through this cry I wanted to get attention of my matter and I wanted that she comes to me, allows me to sit on her lap and hugs me. But my mother did not come to me. And I remember that in this moment I made an assumption that I need to be self sufficient and independent so that I don't need to ask anybody for anything.

And then I was living my life making this assumption "real". Of course I was receiving things from others but there was always the point that I do not need it and that I do not want to be dependent on anybody. But when it comes to non material things ( e.g. hugs ) closeness then I built a wall around me not allowing others to give me anything. It is

To be continued...


Written: 2017 - February - 22   Published: 2017 - August - 24      © Copyright - Greg Wiater