I am catching up with posting online my articles.
So this thing with masturbation while watching porn was also part of his whole process. It is simply that I could not get the happiness from the relationship with another person then I was trying to get it anyway through porn. It is obvious that my "happiness" which I tried to find in masturbation while watching porn was only temporary.
Anyway this point has been already addresses I stopped doing it for some time now and I have moved in my process towards giving myself the real pleasure and happiness in masturbation ( because I don't have a partner in this moment ) without participation in the illusions of my mind. Thus I make love with myself and I touch myself and I am present and aware of it.
And as for now I will do what is here in front of me and which I know that can and that I should be doing ( smiling and real masturbation without the illusions of the mind ) and I know that once I continue my walk on this path I will find new ways of giving myself the real happiness instead of desperately searching for it on the outside.
Btw... here is one important notice. At one stage of my live I have met this one special person which thought was my soulmate and she was telling me that she had memories of me being her partner in previous lives. But you know what... I did not find the happiness in my relationship with her. As a matter of fact my relationship with her in this life was disastrous and instead of happiness I was faced with a lot of stress and problems. And when I think of it today I simply laugh at it. Anyway... now I know where my mistake was and I am curious to see how my life will change now when I will make my realisation of giving myself happiness a living word.