7 YRS PROCESS - DAY 513 - MIDDLE MAN IN THE RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS - PART 1

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Middle man in the relationship problems

I am catching up with posting online my articles.


Let's say that we have a relationship going through the severe crisis and everything is on the edge. Then we have a third person which is the friend of both partners. Each of the partners is in contact with this friend asking for advice in this difficult and complicated situation. This friend knows that the situation is quite complicated but he wants to stay neutral and friend with both of them no matter what will be the outcome of this whole story. Thus he listens to the story of both of them but he never takes the side of either of them. He gives the best possible advice he can give and he stays neutral.

Unfortunately the whole process of negotiations fails and the partners split. Some days later he calls one of the partners to see how she is doing etc. During the conversation he notices that his friend is angry with him and she is making remarks indicating that he has helped the other partner, that he has taken his side and thus she is blaming him that he is partly responsible for the break up.

Obviously this friend is surprised hearing it and tries to explain what he did and how he was participating within this whole situation and that he has been always neutral. But she doesn't understand it and hangs up the phone with anger.

Thus what do we have here ?

1. First of all we must understand that this couple has placed itself in this situation because they didn't know how to resolve together problems efficiently and thus they have allowed the accumulation of all of those small problems which resulted in the situation when it was all too much and they came to a point of break up.

2. Blaming the middle man for the break up is completely silly because it looks like one or both of the partners are expecting that he fixes miraculously all the problems which came from lack of efficient communication and solving the problems between the partners.

3. The situation of problems within relationship and in general is that both partners fall out of the center and place themselves on the opposite polarities but at the same time they don't see this movement towards opposite polarities and they believe that their point ( polarity ) is the center. And within it each of them is trying to convince the other side that s/he gives up his/her silly ideas and comes to his/her point, which in reality is the polarity but which s/he believes is the center. Now... the middle man is and should stay in the center and be neutral within the conflict and he should give the best advice possible so that the partners come to the center point and from there they can start to solve together the problems efficiently. But even though the middle man is there it doesn't mean that both of the partners will want to listen to his advice and leave their point of view ( polarity ) and go to the center because in this moment they believe that their point is the center. And thus their intention quite often is to pull the middle man towards their point ( which is intended by playing the victim and being abused by his/her partner etc.) and through this strengthen their belief and illusion that they are in the center and that they are right and this way try to convince their partner to leave his/her polarity. If the middle man falls into the trap then he will become involved and he will also pay for the consequences of this mistake.



To be continued...





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Published: 2013 - September - 15      © Copyright 2012 - Greg Wiater