I have told my friend today the story of my father who has been heavily addicted to alcohol for many years. And then I have told him about one particular moment within the drinking cycle.
Thus drinking for few weeks which goes along with not eating properly and very little puts huge stress on the physical body. As a matter of fact this is almost a miracle that the person ( in this case my father ) doesn't die. Anyway the first phase of the drinking process was usually accompanied by the false sense of control over alcohol and aggressiveness so that it was impossible to stop my father from drinking. Thus there was not much I could do apart from making sure that he at least gets home.
But then after few weeks of drinking there was coming quite often a moment when the aggressiveness disappeared suddenly and completely and my father was crying and asking desperately for help. And I didn't have to convince him to go to hospital but actually he was asking me to take him there, which is completely opposite to the first phase of drinking when he believed that he is in control and as I said before he was aggressive whenever I tried to take alcohol from him. Apart from this there was another interesting change within the whole situation because in these moments I could feel my father closer than ever when he was sober and I wished him to be like this all the time. I don't mean that I would like him to be drunk but I wanted him to be this person which is innocent, caring etc. I don't know how to describe it but it was something really amazing despite the fact that my father was very drunk and literally on the edge of dying.
Now... Why and what was it ?
My friend suggested that one of the reasons for it is that this is how my father is trying to find himself. I have never thought about it in this way but this makes sense. Because what is happening here is that the whole construct of the mind consciousness system together with the construct of ego etc., which overtake and control the body shuts down because it cannot support itself within the body which is first of all extremely weak and exhausted ( at the edge of dying and secondly it is overwhelmed by the toxicity of alcohol. And I am sure that my father has also felt this difference and probably he has felt the freedom from the prison of the mind and the joy of being himself in these moments despite the fact that he was drunk and literally on the edge of dying because his body was extremely weak and exhausted. And that's why he was asking me to take him to the hospital because he wanted to start new life being free. You know... these short moments of being free stay with people - who have a chance to experience it - for their whole life and then they want to get there again but...
To be continued...