Not so long ago I have discovered a pattern within me which was clearly showing itself in regards to my family. Thus I have created in my mind certain ideal of my parents and partner and I was expecting from them perfection. I have never seen this perfection/ideal in real life but yet I was expecting it from them and whenever they have not behaved according to this ideal created in my mind I have felt hurt inside of me. But I have neither corrected nor faced this point directly. I was going into the mode of feeling hurt and disappointed and I was waiting until my parents/partner correct this point within themselves and start to behave according to the model of perfection created within my mind but I didn't do anything myself about it.

Today was different. My father has a tendency to push or hit somebody ( physical abuse ) if that person pushes his buttons and pisses him off. And he repeated this pattern yesterday. When I've heard about it I have got pisssed off and angry at him at first and I have promised myself that I am going to talk with him very hard when I get home. But this didn't happen. I have tried to talk about it but it was not direct.

But this morning I have started to talk about it directly and with confidence. I have faced it and I have let him know directly that it is not acceptable that he uses physical force because he is pissed off at somebody and he doesn't know how to manage his anger.

It was interesting to see how he reacts during this conversation and how I behave myself. My father new that he crossed the line but he still beliefs that he cannot change his pattern of getting angry. I didn't go around and I was direct. And through this I have stood up within myself and I didn't allow anymore physical abuse through silence and not doing anything about it. Through my non acting I was allowing the abuse to continue and thus I am as much responsible for it as my father and I have realized through the experience today that I was a silent abuser.