7 YRS PROCESS - DAY 277 - ESTABLISHING COMMUNICATION WITH MY BODY - MASTURBATION - PART 5

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establishing communication with my body through masturbation

I didn't have access to internet in the last few days and I need to post the other articles first. Thus I am posting my article today.


This is the continuation of the previous article:

ESTABLISHING COMMUNICATION WITH MY BODY - PART 1
ESTABLISHING COMMUNICATION WITH MY BODY - PART 2
ESTABLISHING COMMUNICATION WITH MY BODY - PART 3
ESTABLISHING COMMUNICATION WITH MY BODY - PART 4


I have carried my thing about not being touched into adulthood - though it was not the same with everybody. With my parents and brother I have a reaction of not wanting to be touched until today. With other people it is not so much of a problem but still I am very reserved when it comes to the touch. It is interesting when it comes to my partners. I didn't have many partners in my life but when I had one, then I wanted to be touched a lot but I actually didn't receive it much which was frustrating to me. Of course I didn't understand it, I was feeling hurt that they don't do it and I was blaming my partners for it and expecting that they change themselves in regards to that point of touch. Look at this... I was demanding and expecting that they change themselves and I did not see that it was all in me and my partners were only reflecting back to me what was inside me. It is typical pattern which - thanks to the Desteni I Process course ???? link - I start to recognize it much easier in my life and change it.

Now... let's come back to the present and let's have a look at another realization which came to me when I was touching myself gently on my itchy skin.

The touch was extremely pleasant to me and I started to look at the point of masturbation. When I masturbate I focus my whole attention of touch only on less than 1% of my body. And what about the rest ? And in that moment I realized that I was very limited in the expressing myself through masturbation and sexuality in general. Sexuality is not only about touching only the genitals. It is much more than that but I know at the same time that there are many people in this world who express themselves in giving themselves pleasure only through less than 1%. This is extremely limited but still many people think that they know all about it.

Within the point of gentle touch and masturbation there came another realization. I used to masturbate in the past while watching porn and images of naked girls on internet. Actually it was using porn to excite myself. I know that most of you will say that this is normal and that there is nothing wrong with it.

Well... yes and no. But there is much, much more "no" to it and very little "yes".

In my case I have noticed this pattern: using pictures of naked people to excite myself and masturbate is literally a form of extreme abuse towards the body. I will not argue with anybody defending that point that it is ok. You will start to understand it once you stop the separation and you start to connect and become one with your body.

Thus few weeks ago I was thinking to myself that if I have to use pictures to excite myself and later use force to masturbate then something is really not right here. What about if my body doesn't want to masturbate but I force it through the use of pictures and the mind ? It is literally an act of rape. I am not exaggerating. It is exactly the same as with the rape victims. They are being forced to have sex just like I was forcing my body into masturbation. I start to see it clearly now for myself.

So what do I do now when I see it so clearly ? It is very simple. I don't use pictures of naked women to excite myself and I don't use force during masturbation. Instead I give myself the pleasure of touching my entire body including genitals and if this excites me than I continue further. But I don't use force anymore.

And this is how I slowly start to establish communication with my body. I don't overwrite it with the desires of my mind and I know that if I continue like that then this communication will get better in the future. Probably few years ago I would defend and justify my right to masturbate while watching porn just like majority of people by saying that it is normal and there nothing wrong with it. But today I see for myself and I have no need to neither masturbate while watching porn nor do I have a need to defend this right.

P.S. The memory of me being touched a little kid by my father and feeling that I am being manipulated was recorded within my mind all the time but only in this moment I have allowed myself to look at it and understand its importance. Interesting... isn't it ?

To be continued...





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Published: 2013 - January - 24      © Copyright 2012 - Greg Wiater