freindly hugs

People in general have many fears and trying to rate them and say which one is the greatest is a little bit pointless. But anyway there are certain fears that repeat themselves more then others and one of them is fear of being labeled as gay. For these men, gay = bad, wrong, weak, womanly, sensitive, and less than and they are trying to avoid it at all cost.

How does this fear manifests itself in the life of a man ? Well... it will take on various forms and behaviors and here are the classic examples.
- always show that you are tough
- don't cry
- don't do or show anything that would indicate that you are feminine
- don't touch other man in a loving, caring way
- don't hug another men
- don't touch them gently and softly
- don't look them in the eyes
- in some countries sitting with legs crossed is regarded as gayish and thus it will be avoided even though it feels more comfortable in the moment
- don't study creative arts - dance, painting, interior design, fashion design etc.

There are lots of different ways in which this fear manifests itself. It all starts right from the childhood when parents and their friends make jokes about a baby that it has gayish tendencies because of how he looks or because he plays with the girls too much instead of playing with boys. And this judgments go on for the whole life. Some countries and cultures are already more relaxed and accepting the gays but still there is a lot of judgment about it. And we can see it very easily in the jokes that people make about it because these jokes carry hidden message of judgment within them.

All of it is nothing else but self-created ( by humanity ) opinions, judgments and believes of how people in male body should behave and look. And if you don't behave according to the beliefs of the majority then you are being immediately being labeled as gay and downgraded one level down, which means that you are simply being classified as being less than the majority which apparently is normal.

As I said before all of this is creations of humans and I say it because the story is completely different when it comes to girls:
- for them it is ok to walk on the street and hold the hand of another woman
- they are allowed to sit on the laps of their friends
- they are allowed to hug their girlfriends
- they are allowed to sit on the laps of their friends
- they are allowed to give a kiss on the lips to other women without being judged as lesbian ( gay)

freindly hugs freindly hugs freindly hugs

Thus you can see for yourself - women can do things without being labeled as gay and judged as less. This whole idea about classifying somebody as gay according to their behavior is not equal for both sexes and as a matter of fact it is not even being consistent when it comes to men because the sportsmen give themselves hugs all the time and they even slap themselves on their assess in front of millions of people watching them on tv.


I have been saying so many times that I don't care what other people think about me but yet today I have realized that this is not completely true. I have noticed that I am afraid to hug other men because of the fear that other people will think that I am gay. This realization came today out during the little seminar with a psychologist who was addressing this point. We have openly discussed this point within the group and later we were asked to hug other men. It was interesting to see how in the end almost all men started to realize nonsense of the belief that hugging other men is gayish and that we should not do it.

Now... it doesn't mean that I will go and hug every men whenever I meet them. There is nothing wrong with the hand shake or simply saying hello but if I notice myself having any kind of reaction and resentment about hugging another human being and especially men, than I have to look again at this point and find out the source of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid to be labeled as gay and thus I have behaved and acted according to the beliefs and opinions of the majority of how I should behave to not be labeled as gay.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give a negative definition and annotation to the word gay and thus I have changed my behavior, posture, the way I walk and dress so that I am not being labeled by society as gay.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid to hug other men because I was afraid that I will be labeled and judged as being gay.

P.S. And now I can say again that I don't give a shit about what other people think about me. At least until the next time when discover another hidden agenda about it within my mind... lol



Published: 2012 - June - 24      © Copyright 2012 - Greg Wiater