Do you remember when you have met your partner and you were so happy and so in love with him ? Do you remember when you were saying that you love him and that you want to live with him for the rest of your life and you were thankful to god that he got you this partner that you always wanted to meet because in that moment it was like a miracle that this person came into your life ?
And where are you today ?
Today you either thank god that your partner is already gone from your life or you pray that he or she goes out of your life as soon as possible because your relationship has turned into real hell on earth. Of course you explain to yourself, your family and your friends that all is his / her fault and at least you try to get as much as possible for yourself with the help of your lawyer.
But what happened with this wonderful love that you felt when you met your partner ? How is it possible that god has let you get into such a relationship from hell in the first place ? Was is really only the fault of your ex-partner or you are using the element of blame because this way you at least take the attention away of yourself and you make yourself look good in front of others while in reality you have contributed equally or maybe even more to the break up than your partner ?
Well... only you know the real answer why it all turned into hell ( not even your god ). But at the same time you may want to deny seeing the truth and the answer because this would destroy you self-created image, concept and belief of yourself as a perfect person and you will continue praying to god so that he removes the devil ( your ex ) completely out of your life. But in reality god has nothing to do with it here. You lived together and slept in the same bed with your partner and not with god. You - and not your god - have not communicated properly with your partner which led to build up of unresolved problems until the moment when there was too much. You - and not your god - have not worked on changing yourself where you have seen your weaknesses. You - and not your god - were dishonest with yourself and your partner. And the same applies to your partner. In the end it was an agreement of 2 beings to share life together and love each other and no matter how much you try to blame your partner, it was the equal responsibility of both of you to make it work. If you are not together anymore it means that you have both fucked it up.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my partner for break-up of my relationship instead of realizing I am equally responsible for it because my relationship was an agreement of 2 beings.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I am using the blame to cover up my own dishonesty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as perfect person and to protect this self-created image, I have presented my ex-partner in the conversations with my family and my friends as the one to blame for all the shit that happened.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realise that my praying to god so that he removes my ex from my life is a symbol of my dishonesty because it means that I don't want to deal with my shit and I further suppress it.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realise that denial to deal with my shit now and suppressing it further only means that I will have to deal with it later in time; but the consequence of it is that this shit will get stronger and at the same time I prolong the whole process of transformation not only for myself but also for the whole world.